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It used to be that I could handle stress – I was cool as a cucumber, grace under fire, calm personified. Apparently not any more. My body has started some sort of coup d’etat – it aches, swells, my food sensitivities have returned and my mouth has erupted in ulcers. Its not a pretty site here.
I know all the things I have to do to get this back on course – change my diet, exercise, BREATHE but the reality is that right now, in the grips of depression and during one of the hardest times of my entire life, it’s going to take more than I have to make the change.
I’m hoping that after the move (in just over a week) and then the handing over of the house (just over 2 weeks) that I’ll be able to start taking better care of myself. I know, I know, I SHOULD be doing it now but I don’t have anything left – a shower is a success these days.
Strangely, amid the chaos there have been some brilliant moments. Maisie and I have been playing and dancing together every day and her laughter is truly infectious (and her bum dancing is HILARIOUS!). I’m also seeing where I want to take some of the things in my life – things I want to let go of and others I want to race forwards with. Perhaps the fact that I’m frozen in place and literally taking stock of my house is allowing me to see things in a different way. Bear with me over the next few weeks will you?
And in the meantime if any of you have moving tips or tips for living in a small apartment (especially after living in a large house) please let me know!!!
*Photo from the Flickr stream of Seabamirum, used under creative commons.
It was Little Miss’ very first birthday last week and I couldn’t wait to throw her a party. We had a Very Hungry Caterpillar theme bbq (all the details on this, including how I made the caterpillar cake below can be found on Spilt Milk Moms) and it was, even if I say so myself, a great success!
Thought you might like to see some pics!
My dearest darling monkey,
I can’t believe you’re turning one today. In some ways it feels like just yesterday I saw your beautiful face for the first time and in other ways it seems like you’ve always been a part of this family, a part of me.
Over the last year we’ve watched you bloom and grow from a mewling, helpless infant to a sweet dynamic baby girl. You’ve learned so much this first year – how to feed, roll over, sit up, crawl, stand, splash, high five, clap and ‘dance’ but I’ve learned even more. I’ve discovered that the heart truly knows no bounds, that love is infinite, that I have more strength and patience than I have ever known.
This year has not been without it trials and you will never know how incredibly sorry I am that in the latter half of this year I have not been the Mama I desperately wanted to be, the Mama I was, the Mama you truly deserve. I need you to know that it is because of everything you are, and will be, that I fight. Your sweet, darling self gives me the strength and the desire to fight this depression that has invaded our world like a cancer, your kisses and cuddles are the ammunition and your laugh our battle cry and I promise we will be victorious.
And yet, like everything else in your life, you take it all in your stride. I’ve said before you are not the baby I expected, that I am constantly amazed and surprised by how amazingly well you deal with anything and everything that crosses your path. You are a daily inspiration to me and I have already, in one short year, learned so much from you.
So on to the future, to more changes and more development and most of all, more love.
Happy birthday my sweet girl.
I love you forever,
Mama xoxoxoxoxoxox
Here is my list of 10 things you should not do together:
1. Get post partum depression
2. Then spend 3 weeks traveling
3. Sell your house
4. Downsize from said 3000 sq/ft house to a 900 sq/ft apartment
5. In less than a month
6. Whilst buying a property overseas
7. From your in-laws
8. The same week you’re throwing your gorgeous baby’s first birthday party (seriously how did that happen?)
9. For 20 people
10. The day before you’re supposed to return to work
Despite being almost three days later I’m still really struggling to process all my thoughts and feelings about BlogHer. I had a good time, but if I’m honest I was both underwhelmed and overwhelmed by the conference and I don’t feel like I’ve come away necessarily any clearer or incredibly wiser than I was before.
In an attempt to break it down lets try this…
THE GOOD:
The Women:
I don’t think that as an adult I have ever been in a room with so many kind, helpful, funny, charming, beautiful (seriously – bloggers are P-R-E-T-T-Y as hell!) and clever women at one time. I’ve read in other recaps that some people were snubbed but that never happened to me and I never saw it happen. I’m not saying it didn’t, I’m just saying that wasn’t everyone’s experience. I met some of the so-called “A-List” and they were all friendly and charming and even better in real life (even the ones I had know idea were “kinda-a-big-deal”). I mean seriously can you tell we just met 48 hours ago:
 The fabulous Brit invasion of @cosmicgirlie & @mummytips
The Community:
I definitely felt like I was a part of an incredible community which is being seen more and more clearly by the world. Hearing how blogging is breaking down barriers and taboos as well as empowering women around the world made me so proud to be a humble blogger. My main takeaway on community is that we need to work as a collective group to ensure we’re not being taken advantage of or duped by people who want to use our voices for their profit. We all need to understand and own the power of our voice – and then we need to make sure its used for good (not eeeevil mwhahahahahahah).
The Photo:
About two weeks before BlogHer I saw a tweet referring to a “Faces of Post Partum Depression” photo to be taken at the event. I immediately email (the incredible) Katherine Stone and she was happy to include me. I can’t tell you the effect seeing these other beautiful women has had on me. I was fighting back the tears (and I’m crying as I type this) the entire time we were together for the photo. This was actually one of the highlights of the conference for me. I’m nowhere near over my PPD (in fact I’ve had a couple of setback which I’ll save for another post) but seeing these beautiful, strong, intelligent women who have made it through to the other side has given me so much hope that I won’t feel the darkness forever. The photo’s below and there is a video for any of you who need a bit more inspiration getting through PPD!
Tara:
Tara and I had never met despite being friends for over a year; we’ve blogged, commented, emailed and skyped but never met in person, until now. She is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful (inside and out) and classy women I know. She had unending patience with Little Miss (and me) and our Saturday night was hilarious (see below), insightful and just plain fun. She has an incredible mind and I’m honoured to be her friend.
Tutus For Tanner:
I have to say that getting up at 5:30 in the morning to go and run 5k may not sound like a fun and hilarious thing to do but I can assure you that it is. I had a BLAST at the run and Little Miss was a hit in her little tutu. Here’s Tara, Little Miss & I getting our tutu on:
I ended up running in a group that included Tara, Kristin, The New Girl & Laura which was AWESOME. I didn’t recognize The New Girl when we were all getting ready to head out but she chatted to me about Little Miss and when she introduced herself I had one of those patented BlogHer SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! moments. I’ve read her blog since the first day I started reading blogs and I really wanted to meet her in that friendly blog stalker way, so for it to happen so naturally was awesome. (And she was even cooler and funnier than she is on her blog and such a sweetie!)
Somehow, along the way, we ended up getting lost (in Central park – go figure) and ended up running (ahem, walking) 5 MILES instead of 5km – ooops! Here’s a pic we had taken when we finally got back to the hotel:
So those are the bestest parts for me and I’ll be along shortly with part 2! What about you? What were your best bits of BlogHer?
xoxo
As I write this (at 7pm in the evening) a certain little girl is crashed out, fast asleep. The trip over here was a bit stressful – I ended up next to an “unaccompanied minor” – who at seven years old was FAR too young to be doing a transcontinental flight on his own – so ended up keeping an eye on two little ones. Couple that with a 4am start, an airport to hotel shuttle with no air conditioning and a hotel room that wasn’t ready until right at check in (not their fault but I was desperate for an earlier check in as we were insanely sweaty.)
Speaking of which – my plan was to sneak into the hotel, quietly check in, shower, change and look fabulous before introducing myself to anyone. The first two people I met? Yvonne from Joy Unexpected and Lisa Stone one of the original founders of Blogher. Ooops. I just pray that I smelled better than I felt!
The SEED party was fabulous and its very inspiring to see people who have never worked with social media embrace it so fully and yet so respectfully. I ended up missing the Canadian party – partly due to naps and partly due to the fact that I had to pick up my pass. I’m now hanging out with Little Miss, fighting the jet lag to hopefully make it to the next (two?) parties before an early night – I’m running/walking 5k tomorrow morning in a tutu!
I’m exhausted! Its currently 6am-ish and I’m hiding in my friend’s bathroom trying to catch up on emails and such. We haven’t slept in the same bed 24 hours in a row for almost a week – I think I *may* have over-scheduled this trip!
Bruges was fantastic! Holidaying with another couple with a child the same age was so lovely and the whole thing was really relaxing. I ate cheese for breakfast every day. And some amazing french butter that tasted better than some of the cheeses. That’s living in my book!
London’s been a whirlwind with Indian food, a picnic in the park with all our friends’ kids followed by a get together with my craziest girlfriends where we laughed until we couldn’t breathe and gossipped till we couldn’t keep our eyes opened. The the next day we did the same thing in Greenwich with Husbando’s best friends.
Today we head back to the in-laws for a bit of a rest (and laundry) before heading to NYC on Thursday morning.
Oh and in the meantime our house has FINALLY sold so when we get home we’ll have less than a month to pack and find somewhere to live.
Hopefully I’ll have time for some more details when we get to the inlaws – till then: cheerio from jolly old England – I have a train to catch (again)!
To the hipster 20-something, the stylish lady lawyer with the amazing silver jewellry, the very hot aussie guy reading “The girl with the dragon tattoo”, the slightly smelly dishevelled old man, the Belgian teenages, the French couple, the guy in the obviously expensively tailored suit and the girl in a dress and high wedge sandals – THANK YOU!
Thank you for playing peekaboo and/or pulling faces at my child. Thank you for helping with (or in one case, carrying) my stroller up all the stairs. Thank you for putting up with an overtired, fussy, just-finding-out-how-loud-I-can-screech, sometimes laughing child. Thank you for the reassuring smiles, the knowing looks and head nods that let us know that you knew we were doing the best we could,
Blanche du Bois was onto something when she talked about the kindness of strangers….
Things have been mental this last week because apparently we’ve become one of the most popular houses on the market in the last few days with FOUR showings. Normally this would get me all excited but seriously people I’ve got more important things to think about – like pedicures and hair appointments and how to detach Little Miss’ arms from around my neck at all times. Oh yeah and a BIG FREAKING FAMILY VACATION!!!!
I can’t remember how much I’ve told you guys about this trip (and I’m way too lazy and tired to go back and try and figure it out) but it is EPIC! On Wednesday night we drive to Seattle and Thursday morning we fly to London, via New York. We are staying with Husbando’s sister the first night in the UK and then surprising his dad for his 70th birthday on the Saturday evening at a huge party with all his friends. (Please keep your fingers crossed that FIL does not drop dead of a heart attack at the shock of it all cuz that would be just too icky for words!) After another two days with his folks, we are taking the train to Bruges in Belgium to meet up with some friends who have a daughter three weeks younger than Little Miss. We’ve rented an appartment in Bruges and will have four lovely days exploring and drinking delicious beer. Then we’ve got three days in London (with a group picnic in Queen’s Park and a Sunday pub lunch in Greenwich) then we’re back to the in-laws for three more days (cue a visit to Bath and a day of county cricket) before Little Miss and I hit the road for New York City and the exciting and intimidating BlogHer conference!
Normally, if I was just going to blogher, I’m sure I’d just pack a big ass suitcase with a load of options but as we’re staying in 6 different places (in 2.5 weeks! Eeek!) and literally travelling by planes, trains and automobiles I need to pack crazy light. We’re taking one large bag on wheels and a garment bag FOR THE THREE OF US! (plus 3 carry-ons, a stroller, a purse and a camera bag – what was I saying about light?)
So I decided to get serious about my packing and I’m kinda surprised at how well I can pack when I’m being realistic.
The reality is that a lot of my clothes are either a bit too big or a bit too small so I decided that I wouldn’t pack anything that didn’t fit well or wasn’t comfortable (that cut my options down a LOT!)
We have to have clothes for hours of travelling, exploring, pub lunches, shopping trips, touristy-ness, one birthday party, three nights of parties in NYC (me), a wedding (Husbando) and two picnics.
Let’s take a look at what we ended up with…
3 skirts – an A line khaki one, an amazing Rohan travel skirt and a fuller, dressier navy blue one with appliquéd flowers (although I’m contemplating ditching this one so we’ll see!)
2 cardigans – I live in these! 1 navy, 1 grey/silver
2 tank tops – white & navy
1 purple dressier top – goes with both skirts perfectly
1 stunning emerald green Calvin Klein dress for parties. Its got almost a 50′s cut to it and is fun & glam.
1 nude/black lace dress for more parties – sophisticated and very flattering.
1 black hoody
1 denim jacket
Running clothes
4 tutus! For running 5k through central park in rush hour. I made them myself & promise to get pics of us in them!
Running shoes, silver heels, green sparkly platform heels (to be worn at Sparklecorn!), another pair of lower sparkly shoes, gold sandals & my birkenstocks (for living in)
I’m planning on adding this dress to the repertoire for travelling and Thursday night @BlogHer:
And possibly this sequin jacket as well (it wouldn’t let me save a pic of it!)
I also put my accessories into outfits and then put them in ziplock bags so they were ready & organized.
For Little Miss I put together eight outfits with mix and match elements that should get us through all the activities regardless of whether or not we can do laundry that often! I picked two colour themes (red, white & blue and green & white) and coordinated that way. It just means that we have enough clothes for her but not an insane amount.
I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to this trip – its the first proper vacation Husbando and I have had in three years and our first vacation as a family EV.AH! Plus it ends in NYC where I hopefully will get to meet some of you wonderful people!
So there you go! What are you packing for BlogHer (or any summer trips?) and if any of you have tips on what to carry on the plane or how to entertain a baby for 16 hours straight I’d love to hear them!
xoxo
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