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RT @vbaileyactor: For all you #indiefilm tweeps out there raising funds, making films and doing your thang youtube.com/watch?v=CmwRQq… #getitonguys #feelthelove
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I am SO excited that Christmas is less than a month away. I adore Christmas. From decorations to gift wrap to baking and everything in between Christmas is a wee reminder of how much magic still remains in the world. Not one to ever let the opportunity to throw a party pass, this year is no different. With a bit more of a spring in my step I’ve decided to throw a grown up Christmas party. And not just any grown up party… a MADMEN themed grown up party. I received the final invites today and they are exactly what I had hoped for (I love it when a plan comes together!) and I’m so excited to share them with you!
xoxo * About a month ago it was suggested that I try cutting dairy out of Maisie’s diet as a possible solution to a long term bowel issue. It was around the same time I realised that I was having a bad reaction to wheat again (I had a wheat intolerance pre-pregnancy but it went into remission when I became pregnant). To say that I was scared is an understatement. Maisie survived probably the last 18 months on cheese and cheesy pasta and there is nothing easier than a quick sandwich when you’re out and about. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to do it. Especially when it comes to cake. I mean the few, actually tasty biscuits and cakes available are really expensive. After a wee search I found numerous recommendations for the Cake Angels cookbook. I took my first crack at a recipe from the book today, Sticky Gingerbread. Oh. My God. It was soooooooooooooo good and the people I served it to had NO idea it was wheat and dairy free. In fact I will say, hand on heart, it is the best gingerbread I have ever tried. If you know anyone with a wheat, gluten or dairy allergy you MUST tell them about this cookbook, in fact you’ve just found them an excellent Christmas present. Here’s the Cake Angels’ Sticky Gingerbread recipe: 175g (6oz) black treacle (use molasses in N.A) 175g (6oz) golden syrup 175g (6oz) dark brown muscovado sugar 175g (6oz) dairy-free spread (I use Pure Sunflower spread) 350g (12oz) wheat & gluten free plain flour (I LOVE Dove Farms flours) 2 tsp Xanthan gum 1/2 tsp bicarbonate of soda (baking soda for my Canadian & American friends) 1 tbsp ground ginger 1 tsp mixed spice (I used 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp cloves, 1/4 tsp nutmeg) 150ml (5fl oz) soya/rice/almond milk (I used goats milk) 1 large egg, beaten 75g (2 3/4 oz) glacé ginger (I used crystallized stem ginger & cut it up – sooooooo yummy!)
*There is no photo for this post because we ate it before I had time to charge the camera! Do you ever sort of forget what you look like. What you REALLY look like? Not what you wished you looked like, or what you think you see when you look in the mirror or even what you wish you didn’t see when you accidentally catch your reflection? Some days I swear the person I think I am doesn’t even exist any more. So tonight I took a picture. I don’t know if its the real me but it is the me right now, and right now, this is what I look like.
I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately. I don’t think you can separate from your husband and not think about it (well I think if you separate you SHOULD think about it). People ask me all the time if I still love Husbando. My answer is always the same: “Yes I do. But is that enough?” I don’t do relationship baggage. I don’t get it and I won’t carry it. Yes I’ve been hurt before (ummm hello I walked in on my first husband in bed with one of our friends. I’ll let you digest that last line for a minute before I move on. Oh that? It’s a story for another day but I promise it’s a good’un.) Anyway, back to the baggage, or lack there of. I don’t think hurt has to equal baggage and, now this is just in my experience, but baggage usually has a good ole heap of guilt in it. Guilt or an inability to let go. Carrying baggage is the mental equivalent of handcuffing yourself to the person in question – even though its all over, even now it’s living in the ether, you’re still giving that person power and residency in your life. Why? After a series of ridiculous and confidence annihilating relationships in my early 20′s I swore that I was better than this. Why was I spending my nights pining for someone who had clearly moved on and didn’t give a shit about me? Why was I willing to change myself, my thoughts, my opinions just so someone would like me more? Why did I think I was worth so little that I would fall into the arms (and bed) of pretty much anyone who would glance, even albeit briefly, in my direction. It took a pretty horrific experience for me to find my strength but once I did I was unstoppable. I was in a relationship because I WANTED to be there and not because I wanted someone to want me to want to be there. I won’t say they were all on my terms because that’s not a relationship but some of them were, some of them I was more into them than they were into me and others were mutually elusive. Owning the direction of my love life was the first truth in burning the baggage but the second one is even greater. To quote Bonnie Raitt “I can’t make you love me if you don’t”. You can’t make someone love you any more than you can make them want to be with you or walk on water. I have fought like hell for relationships in the past to work but ONLY when I was sure that the other person loved me (and I loved them) and we needed to learn how to fix us. Which brings us back to my current scenario. Over the past several months I’ve been called brave and strong but also accused of not caring enough about my relationship or told that it seemed really easy for me to walk away (ummm what?) The truth of the matter is that I can’t make husbando-the-separated (HTS) want to be in a relationship with me. I can’t make him happy, I can’t fulfil him, I can’t make everything ok – that’s not my job. And let’s be honest a huge part of my job now is teaching Maisie how to do those things for herself. There may come a time when HTS and I look into each other’s eyes and realise that we love each other AND we want to do the crapload of work that it would take for us to get back together. Or, while we’re both figuring things out on our own one, or both of us, may find our new life more to our liking. We’re not fortune tellers, we’re human beings – simple, complicated, unsure, fragile human beings with a great capacity for great love and great strength. Husbando and I created an beautiful, incredibly spirited, wonderful daughter together – we are going to be in each other’s lives until we die. Our daughter is proof of the love that we once had and that? Right now that’s enough. Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
This week I’m thinking about
Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
I think I mentioned here before that Maisie & I have recently had to go wheat and dairy free. It hasn’t been easy but I’m also surprised at how well we’re eating (at home anyway). Part of the reason why is all of the amazingly varied free from food companies that have popped up since the first time I had to go wheat free which is about seven years ago! Even more exciting? There is a Free From Food Festival (love the alliteration!) THIS weekend at my favourite London venue, the Southbank Center. Not only does the festival run Friday, Saturday and Sunday, it’s also FREE! (making it the Free Free From Food Festival!) and as always there’s a ton of other amazing things happening around the Southbank. I think Maisie & I are going to go along to sample the wares, walk the wobbly bridge and take a ride on the recently improved River Bus service. Sounds like a good day out! Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
Ok this might be the saddest post I’ve ever written (and by sad I mean pathetic not grab your hankies!) It is Saturday night & I have had an AWESOME night. Wanna know why? Because of this:
Oh yes folks my life has been revolutionized by a £4 paint pad. See I LURRRRRRRVE to decorate & redecorate but problem is I actually hate painting, hate the mess and, hey now I’m on my own with a toddler hate the idea of having everything out for so long. I also hate mint green, which happens to be the colour the landlords decided to paint the walls in the entranceway, up the stairs and ALL of the common space on the second floor. Most of the rooms are totally neutral but the largest area of the house – MINT GREEN. So I’ve got a bit of time this week so I thought I’d tackle the job but as I was taping all my edges I suddenly remembered how much I hate painting. Luckily, because of a throwaway comment my BFF made weeks ago, I had grabbed a paint pad on my way out of Homebase today. I was convinced that it was going to suck but holy crap folks! It didn’t drip, it covered the walls quickly & easily, used very little paint and I was DONE the space I wanted to do (the lower end of the wall under the dado rail) in less than an hour – and that includes the 15 minutes where I didn’t get anything done because Maisie woke up & wanted to watch me paint. Which was slightly annoying but then she kept saying, in the most enthusiastic way ever, “Mama I LOVE the colour. Good choice Mama!” and giving me kisses so who was I to banish the only person who loves my work on a daily basis?? So there we go – in less than an hour on a Saturday night I was done the first batch of colour. If I’d known it was going to be that easy I would have bought the complementary colour but I honestly thought I would be looking at DAYS to get it done. That said, if you had told me even a couple of years ago that the thing that would get me really fired up on a Saturday night was a £4 paint pad I would have laughed out loud – I guess I just wasn’t that awesome back then! Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
I have wanted, desperately, to see Wicked for several years now. Arts and culture was one of the things I missed desperately while we were in Canada (well let’s say affordable arts & culture). So shortly after my arrival I decided to organize a group trip and roped in a bunch of friends to come with me. Despite some last minute cancellations (sickness and a sister in labour!) we grabbed dinner beforehand and hit the theatre. The show was incredible – the story (which I didn’t really know beforehand) was original, inspiring and clever and the voices of the cast were incredible – especially Rachel Tucker (Elphaba) and Louise Dearman (Glinda). I cried. At least twice. Once unsurprisingly during my theme song which rings even truer than it did before. (As an aside I can’t believe it was more than 18 months between that post and actually getting back to London!) It was everything I needed right now – true food for my creative soul and everything that I’ve felt like my life was missing. (And for only £22.50 I can afford to feed my soul on a more regular basis!) This week I’ve been basking in the joy being back in London has brought and I’m so excited by some of the projects & opportunities that are starting to crop up. Every day I feel more and more like the Emily I thought I lost forever and that? Is wicked.
Come back tomorrow for more because I’ve committed to blogging every day in November
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